Just because someone DESIRES you, does NOT mean that they VALUE you.
Read that over again. Recognize the power and magnitude of what that actually means.
To Women and Girls:
We live in a world where the line between desire and value has become so blurred that many of us don’t even know the difference between the two.
I believe some of us do know the difference but would still prefer to be desired over valued because that’s what gets attention in our society. To those I say: Read this post, and then read this post.
First let me break down the actual definition of these words:
Desire: Craving, longing, yearning suggest feelings that impel one to the attainment or possession of something.
Value: You consider it important and worthwhile, “holding something in high regard.”
I think on a day to day basis we desire so many different things: food, money, time, sleep, vacations, sex, people, the list goes on and on. Now take a minute and think about the things you truly value each day – I’m sure the list is much shorter. For me, desire represents instant gratification while value represents what it’s definition says, something important and worthwhile. Now take these same ideas and apply them to yourself, to what you put out there.
Before I go any further I want to make something clear, I’m not here to shame anyone – I’m huge on that. I don’t care if I don’t agree with you or what you post, it is absolutely not my place nor anyone else’s to shame another human being.
Since social media is pretty much the biggest thing in our culture – it’s where we post, where we vent, where we interact, where we check in daily, where we stay up to date with family and friends…it’s also become the place where many now look to receive validation – that’s what I’ll be focusing on.
I know there are some who may be reading this and thinking, why shouldn’t I be able to post and express myself however I want? I’m proud of my body! I’m not posting this for anyone else but myself, I don’t care what people think/say. To them I say: Power to you – Absolutely! I am all about the freedom to express yourself however the hell you want.
In that same breath though, 9 out of 10 times that isn’t necessarily the case. I think that’s what you want to think when you’re posting something, but subconsciously it’s actually you seeking attention and validation. To be honest, the attention part really isn’t my issue, we’ve ALL been there. We all want some form of attention at the end of the day, I can absolutely be the first to admit that. My real issue is the validation part – for those who start basing their self worth from the attention and validation they get online or from others. What happens when that attention and validation stops? How much further will you go to seek it? How much more will you show? At that point it is no longer empowering and no longer for you.
We seek attention and validation for different reasons: insecurity, boredom, ego, to make ourselves feel better. Often times after a break up there’s this desire to post and show off what that other person is missing. If that person is going to desire you for what you’re posting, then they’re also going to desire anyone else for that same thing. Again, that is the difference between desire and value. You will never need to convince someone else to value you. You are YOU, that is your power, that is your Value.
Trust me, I get how tempting it is for young girls right now to fall right into the trap of wanting to be desired. Look at the people we’ve made famous in our society – they’re selling sex, selling their bodies, and selling desire. Like I said earlier, no shame – let them do them, but I want girls to know that there is absolutely MORE than that. That desire is TEMPORARY – the followers, the likes, the comments – TEMPORARY.
I get how confusing it can be when usually the accounts with the most followers are people selling this idea, let that be for them, it doesn’t have to be for you. Be true to who YOU are. I also get how hard it can be when you see how much men are lusting after the women on social media that are putting out a certain image, but that is all it is – lust. It’s not real. It is desire, not value. Unfortunately, those same men will shame those same women in the same breath. It’s not right, I don’t agree with it, but it is very much how are society works.
Now I’m not saying you can’t have value and be sexy, or post selfies, or whatever else you want. Let’s get something straight, do whatever and post whatever you want – that’s not my business. I’m just trying to give you a couple things to think about.
I love me a good selfie, and if I’m feeling myself that day there might be a couple. But I am very aware when I put something out there the attention and comments it receives is desire, it’s temporary, it’s-not-real. No ones really liking my selfie because they think I look like a good person with a good heart.
I always say the best compliment someone could ever give me will be about my character, my heart, or my mind – those things hold far more value than anything I possess on the outside.
My biggest thing for you to take away from this is being able to make the distinction between being desired and being valued. Realize what is real and what isn’t. Your value should never be based on the attention you receive online or from anyone else, your value should be in YOU. It should be something you possess within. This goes far beyond social media. Think about dating, about the men pursuing you, do they desire you? Or do they value you? More importantly, do you value YOURSELF?
Like I said several times in my Self Worth post, remember WHOSE child you are. Remember WHO actually gives you the attention and validation that matters. I’m going to leave you with this one last time:
