We can all relate to this in some way or another.
This isn’t a “the glass is half full or half empty” kind of analogy… it’s that the glass is completely empty, yet we continue to pour from it to give to others.
Daily life can get really out of control at times, it shouldn’t take a mental breakdown to recognize your glass is empty. Issues begin to build with the little things. The little things that we swallow, ignore and put aside until they’ve grown and manifested into their own beasts.
Many people often feel they’re being pulled in every direction, having to be “everything to everyone.” But who’s taking care of you? If you’re waiting for someone else to do it you’re only doing a disservice to yourself. No one else can take care of you, like YOU.
“In relationships we often fall out of love with ourselves. We stop taking care of our own needs. We prioritize our partners (and children) ahead of our own hearts. And this works for awhile…till it doesn’t.
And then we wake up in our relationship and project our lack of love for ourselves onto our partners. ‘They aren’t meeting my needs. I’m no longer in love with them,’ we say. We make them responsible for the way we feel about ourselves. If you feel like you’ve fallen out of love with your partner, fall back in love with yourself. Take responsibility for your own boundaries and needs.” -Mark Groves (markgroves.tv)
Of course it’s nice when others want to take care of us, it makes us feel good when others notice we’re not okay or that something is off. However, no one else can “fix” us. You have to figure out where you find your healing, what makes you feel whole?
Your glass should never get to the point of being empty, you should have precautions in place for when it’s getting low so that you don’t allow it to get there.
As humans we have this need and want for control, we love it so much that we don’t know how to let go of it. Many of us complain about not having enough help, yet don’t accept it when it’s offered because we prefer to do it ourselves. We have to take responsibility for our role in our glass being empty.
You’re not any less strong because you need help or because you can’t do it all on your own. We aren’t meant to do it all alone all the time. Negative emotions like: resentment, hurt, betrayal, unhappiness, bitterness, and depression start to internalize and destroy us from in the inside out.
It’s okay to not know how to handle or get rid of these negative thoughts and emotions on your own. I’ve often times sought outside guidance to help heal my inside issues. I’m a huge advocate for talking to someone, be it a counselor, pastor or friend.
Talk to as many people as you need, but don’t forget to always check in with yourself.
When was the last time you actually thought about what makes YOU happy? Genuinely happy.
What refills your glass?
I’ve been very open about my relationship with God, and also my struggles with Him. So many times when we’re going through something difficult, we go through the motions of what we think we’re supposed to do: we go to church, we pray about it and “put our Faith in Him.” When “nothing” happens it only adds to our frustration and disappointment.
This definitely doesn’t refill my glass.
What does refill me, is when I truly allow Him to restore me. When I stop trying to fight him for control and am able to wholly surrender my heart. Going through the motions does nothing for me or him. Genuinely investing in my relationship with God is what provides me the strength and Faith I need for when life comes and tries to drain my glass. Staying fully invested in this relationship has continued to be one of my biggest internal struggles…but that’s for another blog post.
We all have different ways of refilling our glasses. Whether you find your healing at church, the beach, the gym, yoga, writing, therapy – whatever – make sure you’re making time for it. Make sure you’re making yourself and your well being a priority.
It’s not selfish to make time for yourself. You can’t take care of others if you can’t take care of yourself.
You can’t pour from an empty glass.
Wow. I was reading this because I’ve been following your blogs since Mike started sharing them, and this one actually made me stop what I was doing (eating a strawberry) because I was in total shock at how true it was for me. That quote from Mark Groves hit it right on the head….in a way that was almost eery to me because I’ve been saying something to that extent for at least a few weeks now. People always try to say “you always have to put your partner before yourself.” But to what extent? If you’re sacrificing your own happiness for that of your partner, what good will that do you in the long run? That was exactly what I was accused of – putting myself first while he put me before him. Guess who was a healthier, happier human being? Sacrificing everything for someone else would be similar to pouring from an empty glass, I presume. The worst is when everyone else wants some of you too, and you’re dry by the time you come home to the person who should come before everyone else. Where do we figure out the lines? Are they that blurry? Can we put ourselves first but put our partner before everyone else? Or do we always have to put our partner before ourselves? This is something I debated with myself when I was accused of being selfish. I think this is often why so many people will leave a relationship for several months and then come back happier people. But it’s a sad reality when you think about how many of us in the world do not know how to balance work, social, and love life anymore.
Such great commentary Stephanie! I agree with so much of what you shared. I have always firmly believed that self love is not selfish, it’s necessary (obviously as long as it’s not in an egotistical way, that’s a whole different kind of self love). We’re not meant to be everything to everyone, our partners need to love themselves as well so that they’re not completely dependent on us for their happiness – that’s not fair to us either. I definitely agree with you, it’s all quite the balancing act! Thanks for your feedback!
Thank you for being honest, Pure and so easy to read and relate to. I enjoy reading your posts because I find myself saying exactly! Oh my gosh this chick is just like me! I question, I value, I love and trust all with the intent to better my life, omy families life, what we stand for, and what it all means. As a woman, as a mom and wife at a young 30 something… I want to say thank you for making your blog so relatable and true. Most importantly thank you for helping open my eyes to a new perspective when I felt and I thought I already knew.
Your awesome Kat! Keep up the great work!
Thank you so much for your incredibly thougthful comment and kind words Corina! You have no idea how much they mean to me! <3