On a positive note: Thank God I got through it.
On a “keeping it real” note: Praise Jesus it’s over.
I was just talking with a friend about this post and was telling them how over 2017 I’ve been. They immediately took offense and took it personally. The two of us spent a lot of time together in 2017 so to them, it was like “How could your year have been that bad??” I then took to defense, called them out for making it about themselves, and explained that my comments had more to do with my internal battles this past year.
After I had time to process this conversation I found truth in what they said. I had such a negative view of all of 2017, and by doing so was completely disregarding all my blessings.
I feel like God was probably looking at me every time I talked about how over 2017 I was like, “Really? Really Katherine? So you’re just going to act like you didn’t get that blessing I sent you last week? Or how about last month? Or how about the fact that you’ve got air in your lungs, a roof over your head and way too much food in your belly??”
I sat there and felt so ungrateful. I let my circumstances determine my happiness – which is why in 2018 I won’t strive for happiness.
We all remember the beginning of Beyonce’s song “Pretty Hurts,” where the Beauty Pageant host asks:
“Ms.Third Ward, what is your aspiration in life?”
She then answers, “To be happy.”
I’ve had a lot of moments of happiness this year, but I want more than just moments that I feel happy.
I want joy.
I want peace.
Joy is gladness of the heart that comes from knowing God, it’s eternal and prevalent.
Peace is an inner sense of contentment and quietness, regardless of life’s circumstances.
I don’t believe you can have one without the other, and in my opinion, I don’t believe you can truly have either without God.
Joy and peace are two foundations I’ve personally struggled with most in 2017. I can obtain it, but I struggle maintaining it. It has everything to do with my relationship with God. When there’s a lack of him, there’s a battle within.
I’m not trying to shove Jesus down anyone’s throat, but this is my blog, therefore this is my truth.
My truth is rooted in God.
I cannot speak of it and not speak of Him.
Truthfully, this year has been…a blessing.
Had you asked me 20 minutes ago about my 2017 and I had a completely different answer! I’m extremely hard on myself so I only focused on my shortcomings and personal struggles.
I was reminded of something I once heard Joyce Meyer say, “I may not be where I need to be but thank God I’m not where I used to be.”
I made myself sit and reevaluate this past year with a much different mindset than I had been using.
This past year was actually a big deal for me… I launched THIS blog! It was scary and exhilarating all at the same time! Vulnerability has always been an extremely uncomfortable space for me.
“For me, it’s tougher to be vulnerable than to be tough.” -Rihanna
Through this blog, I have opened up about my personal struggles, challenges, issues, heartbreak, and experiences. This year I fully embraced that our tests are meant to be our testimonies. They don’t do anybody any good if we don’t use them.
Our mess can only become our message IF we allow it to – that’s when the magic happens.
If 2017 was your “mess,” allow 2018 to be your message.
God Bless & Happy New Year.