I cannot tell you how many times I’ve said these five words, it should be engraved on my headstone when I die. If we’ve ever shared stories, shared a conversation, even shared an uber…you’ve most likely heard these five words leave my mouth.
This honestly should’ve been the follow up to my post about self worth because they’re so closely related – but the Feminist in me wouldn’t let #internationalwomensday go by without a post about women and feminism.
So here we are.
Read those words a couple more times and think about what they actually mean to you:
You see the reason these five words and self worth go hand in hand is because I believe you have to have a proper sense of self worth to actually put these words into action. It means you have to love and respect yourself enough to know that you will discontinue, reject, refuse, walk away from, shut down anything that you should no longer allow in your life – including people.
How many times have we listened to that one friend tell us about everything their ex put them through? How horrible they were/are? The lies, the cheating, the manipulating, the being taken advantage of…? (Perhaps you’re that “one friend”)
Each time I’ve listened to one of these stories my heart hurts for the person telling me about it. I’m a very compassionate person, but I also warn you up front that I’m going to keep it as real as possible with you. I’m not going to tell you what you want to hear – I’m not going to sit here and shit on your ex. I’m going to ask you about your role in all of it. My concern is YOU and your healing process.
Ok – they lied, they cheated, they played games and used you, etc…
Fine, let someone else deal with them.
My focus is: Why did YOU allow it for as long as you did? Why did YOU not feel worthy enough to know that you deserve better?? Why did YOU not feel strong enough to walk away?
You see, the longer we continually place all the blame on the other person we’re in turn refusing to recognize the role we played in all of it. Accountability is necessary when trying to move on and make peace. It isn’t for them – it’s for you.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying walking away is easy or that the second someone does you wrong you need to jump ship. However, some of us have repeatedly allowed these types of unhealthy and dysfunctional patterns into our lives. To those I ask those questions of WHY? Until you figure out the root of why you would continually allow yourself to be treated in such a way, you’re never going to be able to fully break free from those patterns. Say it with me: