I completely and utterly resent this statement.
Every time I hear women say this or statements similar, I can’t help but wonder, “who hurt you?”
I believe we’ve all been through and experienced different types of hurt, but at what point do you “give up” and assume that “all men are the same?”
I’m a firm believer that what we think, we manifest. Have you ever considered that what you’re getting is what you’re actually attracting? Do you really believe that you’re deserving of a “good” man? Are you in a place where you’re seriously ready for a “good” man?
Some of you may be reading this and thinking, “OF COURSE I deserve a good man! I’ve not only been ready for him, but I’ve been waiting for him!” I ask these questions because I also believe in subconscious self-sabotage.
What do I mean by this?
“If you’re unfamiliar with the subconscious mind, think of it as a video recorder that has recorded everything you have ever done or experienced.
Your subconscious mind then plays back programs to you in the form of your belief and behaviors from the information that has been frequently entered into it, especially, information that was entered during your first six years of life.
Self-sabotage is a term used to describe the things that people either do or say which ruins the success or happiness that they are experiencing. This occurs when the success or happiness is above the level at which the subconscious believes it is worthy of.
An important point to remember about self-sabotage, is that it’s not something which is done consciously, but rather, subconsciously from the subconscious mind.
This means that even though you may consciously want to achieve success and happiness, subconsciously, you don’t feel worthy and deserving of it due to the limiting negative beliefs you have.”
Now I go back to the question I asked at the beginning, “who hurt you?”
This goes back much further than your ex, or your ex before that, or ex before that. We often blame others for not being able to love us the way we want or deserve. The reality is, we usually can’t love ourselves the way we want and deserve.
“…the pain we feel is actually our own denial of love. The ego, however, tells us differently. It argues that the love we need must come from someone else and that there’s one special person out there that can make us whole.
It makes us think we need another person, when in fact we are complete and whole as we are.
The ego will always tempt us to think that the breakdown of a relationship has to do with what they did wrong, or what they’re not seeing, or what they need to learn. The focus must remain on ourselves.
‘I continue to choose people who can’t commit.’
A more enlightened question might be, ‘How committable am I, really?’ How prepared am I in the deepest recesses of my being to give and receive love in an intimate, committed way?’
Or, ’How can I forgive those who could not go past a certain wall of fear when dealing with me? How can I forgive myself for the ways in which I contributed to or participated in their fear?
In order to learn the most from relationships, you have to focus on your own issues.”
– A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles by Marianne Williamson
You set the standard for how you are treated. What you allow WILL continue.
There is no perfect man (or woman), I know, shocker. But there are absolutely good men (and women) out there.
My suggestion, first work on being a good woman (or man) to YOURSELF.