4 Things On Social Media…

4 Things On Social Media…

Fellas, any women that are considering dating you are gonna look at 4 things on your social media…

1. Who you follow
2. What you like
3. What you post
4. Who comments on your page and what they say

I posted this on my Instagram story on Monday, along with a poll asking true or false?

73% responded True
27% responded False

Out of the 40 people who voted False, 30 of them were men.

My personal vote on this was/is TRUE.

Although the majority of voters agreed, I received several messages and had multiple conversations over the last couple of days with those who didn’t agree.

Those who were against it felt the idea of judging someone off their social media was unfair, I agreed. Social media is merely a filtered snapshot of someone’s life. It’s not real life, it doesn’t tell the whole story.

However, when I look at these 4 factors I’m not “judging” them off their social media, I’m more so looking into their interactions, the way they talk and communicate with others, their likes and interests, etc.

So let’s break all 4 things down a little more:

 

1. Who You Follow

Sometimes I’m genuinely curious as to who we know or have in common as far as mutual friends. IG has made that a lot easier by adding a “followed by” section in the bio. It definitely goes beyond that for me, I’ll click on who you’re actually “Following” and scroll through.

One of the main things I look for is Instagram ‘Models.’ I know I’ve previously blogged about “Instagram Models and Relationships,” and so my stance on this is very similar. I’m personally turned off when I see a guy following dozens of Instagram ‘Models.’ Now if you’re a DJ or in the type of industry where it’s just part of the business, I totally get it – but if you’re John who works 9-5 at the bank – that’s a different story.

I want someone who doesn’t have enough time to waste scrolling through pictures of half-naked women online. More than anything, I don’t just want a loyal partner, I want faithful eyes. Yes, you can admire someone’s beauty, but don’t lust after it – there’s a difference.

2. What You Like

Right next to your notifications on IG you can swipe right (“Following”) and see what other people are up to. When I’m dating/involved with someone I definitely pay attention to this tab and take notes.

In a previous relationship, I noticed my partner and his friends were always tagging each other in different Instagram ‘Model’ posts. I felt like it was a game between them to see who could find the “sexiest,” then share it with the group. It was a group of grown adult men, all either married with kids or in serious relationships – I didn’t get it. I knew I wasn’t ok with this, but I didn’t want to be “that” girlfriend. So I said nothing.

This was a red flag I should’ve paid more attention to.

“As we gain confidence in ourselves, red flags are no longer red flags. They are deal breakers.” – Mandy Hale

I didn’t want to have to say something about it, I wanted my partner to respect me and our relationship enough to say something on behalf of both of us. This would be another red flag that would later lead to deeper issues in that particular relationship. I’ve since realized that I absolutely should’ve communicated my thoughts, feelings, and concerns more with my partner at the time.

3. What You Post

Is it sexist? Misogynistic? Disrespectful? Petty? Do you engage in online drama? Do you post 72 gym selfies (#icant).

What are some of your interests? Do we have anything in common?

This definitely comes down to personal preferences in this particular area.

4. Who Comments on Your Page and What They Say

This is very similar to #3: Is it sexist? Misogynistic? Disrespectful? Etc.

How flirty are you? How do you speak with your friends?

 

I’m not saying these 4 social media factors tell you everything you need to know about a person, not at all. The original statement was:

Fellas, any women that are considering dating you are gonna look at 4 things on your social media…

1. Who you follow
2. What you like
3. What you post
4. Who comments on your page and what they say

These are merely social media observations I personally make when I have the slightest interested in someone. It’s not necessarily a deal breaker, but it does play a heavy influence.

I have nothing against Instagram ‘Models’ – I’m not in a relationship with them – do your thing girl. I don’t have an issue with social media and relationships. I’ve had relationships where it’s never been a problem or an issue, it’s all about how you use it.

“Social media doesn’t kill relationships, it merely reveals the lack of discipline in couples who use it.” – @gentlemanhood

At the end of the day, we all want someone that will choose us like we choose them – that will put in the work, and make the necessary sacrifices to protect “US.”

 

4 Comments

  1. Kat, thank you for your honesty, openness and unbiased opinions. I come from a marriage, where trust was an enormous factor in a separation/borderline divorce. And that trust was broken by influences via social media. We have since reconciled but social media is still a sore subject (as much as I’ve wanted a clean slate coming back in). Reading this reiterates some truths I must acknowledge.

    ****Social media doesn’t kill relationships, it merely reveals the lack of discipline in couples who use it.” – @gentlemanhood

    At the end of the day, we all want someone that will choose us like we choose them – that will put in the work, and make the necessary sacrifices to protect “US.”****

    Maybe this is a moment where I must look within and work on ME.

    Please keep blogging. Nothing more encouraging than a strong female empowering our inner voices/strengths.

    1. Mari,

      Thank you so much for your kind words. I appreciate you your honesty and openness about your own personal experiences and in this area. I believe any kind of pain or struggle is always an opportunity to look within, learn, and grow. Sending you love on your journey<3

  2. Would you say that Instagram has exposed many to the harsh reality of the truth they are afraid to admit when they finally see themselves for who they are?
    How does a man approach a woman without scaring her off because he is sincerely interested in her mind rather than her outter appearance.
    And what were you’re intentions when you put together This blog?

    1. Hi Tony,

      My intention with any blog I write is sharing my own personal truth and experiences. In doing so, I always pray that my words will find those that need to read it.

      As far as your question on approaching women, I believe every women and situation is different, therefore, there’s no “one-stop- shop” answer for this type of question.

      Thank you for reading Tony.

      <3Kat

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